Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Ok, so I wasn't going to keep writing much on my blog about the whole CPS and my 8 year old "sperm donor" story, but sometimes you just need things documented.  Before my 8 year old came home, CPS told me that I would have to take him out to Kemp (1.5 hours away from where we live) to continue his therapy with his counselor, who is only an LPC, instead of taking my son back to the PhD he was seeing before all this crap with CPS happened.  I took him after the holidays and all that happened was the counselor told me that "If I even SUSPECT any child abuse, I have to call CPS.  If your son misses an appointment, YOU will have to pay the copay, NOT his dad.  I'm sure you want to tell me your side of the story, but we don't have time today."  He said these things to me after my son's dad had been taking him to this counselor and was talking about me.  I told the counselor that I would prefer not to tell my side of the story, but show him because I believe in showing people my character rather than bad mouthing the other person.  That same day, my son was scheduled in Dallas for a second psychiatric evaluation at Children's Hospital where I had taken him previously and was turned away because he was on CHIPS for health coverage since I wasn't able to find his dad to get his insurance information.  The second evaluation was scheduled an hour after his counseling appointment, so there was no way for me to make it there.  I made the decision to take my son instead to a real psychiatrist who can evaluate him, build a relationship with him and see him on a regular basis.

After scheduling an appointment for my son with Dr. Minirth, their office had to call my son's dad for consent to treat him.  When they got in touch with his dad, his dad would not consent!!  He assumed that we were going to put my son back on medicine, which is not the first thing that Dr. Minirth does.  There are natural things he can do to help as well as work books that have exercises in them that can help us minimize the amount of my son's anxiety.  His dad called me after I left the office and yelled at me for not taking my son to the second evaluation and when he said that he told me in advance about the appointment that should have been enough time to be able to get our son to his appointment.  The counseling appointment was also scheduled way in advance, actually it is a standing appointment and I can't be two places at once.  When I called Children's to reschedule, I was unable to because I was not in the system, so his dad would have had to call to reschedule.  When I call his dad, he does not answer my calls, so I decided to text him and that way it would be documented that I contacted him too. 

When his dad called me today after leaving the psychiatrist's office and after his initial verbal thrashing upon me, I told him he can Google the doctor and he said "I don't have to talk to you about this and I got my dental information this morning, but since you have an attitude, I don't have to talk to you about that either!"  Now, interestingly enough, I have sent a few different text messages about obtaining dental insurance information for our son so I can take him to the dentist, but never received a response.  His dad called the other night for the second time since December 19th when I picked our son up to come back home and he told our son he would text me the information, but he never did.  Today he claimed he is unable to receive or send texts from his phone even though he has acknowledged he can do so from his phone.  Today was obvious that some how after all these years, he is still finding a way to make this about us instead of our son.  Once he told me he didn't have to talk to me about the dental insurance or the psychiatrist because of my "attitude", I hung up.  Interestingly enough, I have an "attitude" because I spoke up for my son and myself against him for the first time EVER.  He is so harsh with his words that I have always walked on egg shells because the way he talks to me is very intimidating.  The CPS caseworker made the comment the day she closed the case, "I know the way he talks to me about you.  I can only imagine how he talk to you."  Yet, if his dad calls CPS again, our son goes to foster care and neither one of us will see him.  I don't think it really matters to his dad because he called our son on Christmas day and for a second time Wednesday, January 23rd.  He told our son he was going to get him that weekend and he never called or showed up.  For me, if our son went to foster care, it would be the end of the world.  It is impossible to work with someone that is unwilling to work with me!!  How do you force someone to be civil and co-parent with you if they won't even try and just do all they can to make things harder for the other parent??  You can't!

Living in THIS MOMENT!!

The sky is bluer, the grass is greener, and all of nature’s sounds seem to whisper, hello, we are so happy to see you are back.

Without you, I was lost in a silenced world without colors, unable to feel or hear its beauty because the day you left, my world turned black.

You are my world and my world is again a symphony of sound and color, it is right; so perfect, pure, and full of love and warmth for all.

You were starved for my love and hugs, but you are back and love very much; You would have had them sooner, but all I could do was call. 

Your fears are too much for you to bear alone; let’s mend your broken soul; yes sweet angel, with me will always be the right place. 

No, you don’t have to go back and we’re together, live this moment with me, without fear; let’s wipe the tears rolling down your sweet face.

You are home where you have always belonged; never again will you be ripped from my side and sent away, out from my sight.

My eyes get warm with tears when I gaze upon your angelic face; God I will always love you with all of my might!

The thought of one day being reunited with you gave me hope; thinking of your warm heart, smile and laugh kept me sane.

 Let these tears be of happiness and joy that we are finally together again; too many were wasted on frustration and the pain.

Although it is true, we lost precious time and our wounds are fresh, we will heal; let’s basque in THIS MOMENT and in GOD’S GLORY.

HE has us covered and our loved ones are rooting for us; we beat the odds and will continue our journey and continue to fight, this is our story.     

20 Hours and Counting!!

I am not sure how much more I want to share on my blog since I am trying to bang my story out in an autobiography.  The days spent waiting for tomorrow, the 19^th of December to arrive, when I can go get Connor, have been very difficult.  I was fortunate enough to have enough school work and studying to do with the end of the semester drawing to a close.  Despite all of the drama and turmoil in our lives this year, I managed to do very well in the five classes I took this semester.  I even managed a B in my honors anatomy and physiology class!  The B in that class and the fact that I was finished with school for the semester was able to float me along a couple more days.  Now, even though I have much to do to get ready for Connor’s return tomorrow, I can hardly focus.  All I have wanted to do since I received the phone call November 27^th is to go get my babies!  Trying to focus on any one thing is like putting a steak eight feet in front of a Pit Bull with a six inch leash.  I am there, but I just cannot obtain what I want yet.  I have roughly twenty hours to go until I can hold my youngest son in my arms and smother him in hugs and kisses!  No, it is not as difficult as not knowing one way or the other whether or not they are even able to come back home, but they are right at my fingertips and I just can’t touch them yet.  My heart is about to explode and my emotions are a mixture of pure joy and doubt.  The doubt comes from not believing I am really getting them back until they are in my arms.  Tomorrow, when I am holding ¼ of our single unit, my face will hurt from smiling!  We have made it this far, tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter.

 

Today, I started to write my autobiography.  It will be a challenge to produce an autobiography that people will want to read, but I assure you, this is not just any story.  Anyone that has known me since I was a young girl knows that my entire life has been filled with trials and tribulations.  Such a life would make most people succumb to a life of drugs or worse yet, to commit suicide.  I have had moments where I wanted to give up, but my will to keep pushing through it all has come from my three wonderful boys.  What we have been through this past year, no one should have to go through.  We made it through…. Now we can make it through anything life throws our way.  We are stronger, better, and smarter than we have ever been!

HAPPY 13TH!!

My middle son’s birthday was yesterday, November 30^th so his dad had a party for him today at a park near their house.  I was a bit hurt that I was not asked to help plan it or invited to cut the cake, hand him presents to open, or lend a hand with anything else during the party, but I understand.  I was able to be with our son for 12 years and planned all of his parties because his dad was not that involved.  I invited his dad to several of the birthday parties, but he was usually unable to attend.  Today was actually a nice change!  It was great to see his dad so involved and happy being able to put this together.  The party was spectacular and the sight of all of the bikes racing on the field was exciting to watch!  Our son is happy and knows he is loved, so that is all that matters.  Needless to say I did not stay hurt long and allowed myself to enjoy the party without having to clean up or make a fuss about planning it.  I was able to just show up, enjoy my son to the fullest and leave with joy in my heart knowing that he had a good day.  Happy 13^th my little man!! I love you so very much!! xoxo

OPERATION TAKE-DOWN!!

No one should have to go through what my children and I have been through this year.  Unfortunately our story is not original because families are torn apart at the seams every day at the hands of CPS.  There are those families that do require intervention to help children who would otherwise be trapped in an abusive situation.  However, there are often news stories that report kids being beaten to death, drowned, raped, murdered, or having to live in households where their most basic needs are neglected.  Other stories act as an outlet for parents to share their horror stories of how CPS tore their families apart without any cause or evidence.  How is it that CPS does not seek out real abuse, but rather focuses their efforts on anyone that has a finger pointed at them?  The finger pointing becomes a “witch hunt” and an agency that was originally put into place to protect children becomes a force so powerful they can take down a loving family without proof of any wrong doing.  CPS at the very least needs to be held accountable for their actions by either having an organization put into place that requires them to prove an allegation is true before ripping children from the arms of their parents.  There are so many horror stories from families that have had to deal with CPS that they are often overlooked and deemed far-fetched or only half-truths.  My story may seem this way too, but I can say beyond the shadow of a doubt, it is true!  Trying to explain this to anyone that has never suffered at the hands of CPS is exhausting.  Nothing I can say would come close to painting the picture needed for people to understand unless they have had a similar experience.  I am going to try to paint that picture by writing a book about my experience and hopefully light the match that starts the fire to bring CPS down for good.  The only way to fix this problem is to bring CPS down completely and start over.

YEAH, THAT'S THE ACTION OF INNOCENCE

Ok, so I tried doing things the CPS way, then tried doing things the legal way.  When I got tired of waiting and decided to take matters into my own hands and contacted a couple of the news stations and the Dallas News this morning, who do I get a call from this afternoon???? 


CPS.... CALLING TO SAY THEY ARE CLOSING MY CASE!!!! 

Hmmmm.... is it just me, or is that way too much of a coincidence??  That looks like a sign of guilt to me!!  Good news!  The caseworker that handled my case is being transferred!!  Now, let's see if we can do something about the investigator who started all this evil because I called her out on the bold faced lie that she told my sister and my eight year old's sperm donor.  The same "sperm donor" who was no where to be found before all of this and had to be tracked down!

The catch:

The caseworker didn't call my attorney, she called me directly so my attorney had no idea what was going on until I called to tell them.  On top of that, the caseworker told me that if my eight year old's sperm donor, I mean "dad" (and I use that term very loosely because I even kissed his ass and kept my mouth shut when he was insulting me in hopes he would come around on the rare times we actually knew his number or the general area he was living), and I quote, "calls AGAIN to tell them I am not doing what I am supposed to that my kids will be permanently removed from my home".

Now people... I can not make this up!!  This IS ACTUALLY A TRUE STORY, MY STORY!! 

So, I called my attorney's office to ask if they had talked to CPS and the paralegal stated "No, we have not talked to them, they have not called us back.  We sent them everything and we're still waiting."

Ahhhh..... you have GOT TO LOVE IT WHEN CPS THINKS YOU ARE SO DUMB AND NAIVE THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO ASK QUESTIONS!!  I am sure they thought I would be so excited to be having my case closed and to get my babies back, that I would just blindly sign what she is bringing for me to sign today.  I am sure my IQ is higher than theirs, good luck with that plan!!  I am SO VERY EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO PUT MY ARMS AROUND MY BOYS AGAIN!!!!!  I have waited this long though, waiting a couple of days for my attorney to look over what CPS wants me to sign today so they will not be able to bend me over and screw me again is not going to kill me!!

Just a few more days and I can breathe while being able to hold them!!!  It is so intense right now because I am not sure how my meeting with CPS this afternoon is going to play out. 

PLEASE LET THIS BE REAL AND NOT A DREAM!!!!!!

Unlimited Power of Congress

Great video!!  Supports exactly what I have said!  She lost her job in Congress for her report on CPS.  http://www.saferchildren.net/protective/links.html